How to reduce quarrels to minimum in relationships and marriage

  • By Sophia Okunowo

    But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another. (Galatians 5:15 KJV)

    I am presently in a one week training, so I asked my wife to help out with some of the devotionals this week. Here we go.

    Quarrels, arguments and fights seem to be part of the “I do” package. It looks like most couples are just coping with their spouses and treading their marital grounds softly as if walking on gun powder to avoid explosion.

    Some have learnt to survive by avoidance; others simply reduce their interests in their spouses’ issues. All these are not supposed to be so. Some couples or those in relationships fight almost every other day. They seem not to know what the real problem is.

    Most men will say if she were more submissive, just a little more, I will be okay. They even boast and take pride in some of their good gestures. I don’t drink or smoke, neither have I ever slapped you before. If you smoke, yes you will cause a lot of heartache for your spouse but you bare most of the pain.

    The wives also sing praises of their good virtues. I know how much I have sacrificed for this family. The list is endless but the bottom line is that both of you are immature in relating to each other and that is what is causing issues. We over react, we want to dominate, control and own our spouses. We want to decide what, how, when and why they think or behave a certain way. We want to control how they reason or their sense of judgment. Dear husband or wife, you are going out of bounds.

    Even God does not veer into such controlling, domineering and manipulative mode. He simply loves us, He does not even force us to notice His love. He just loves us absolutely and waits patiently for us to discover His love and respond back. Yes, we can’t be exactly like God but the truth is that we can imbibe and follow His ways and principles. That’s really all he asks of us.

    Some men are so egocentric they can’t take the barest insult, their flesh is so alive when things don’t go their way they are ready to fight to the last not minding the consequences. Some wives are also so stubborn you wonder why they got married in the first place because submission is the highest qualification for marriage.

    Marriage is a place of crucifying the flesh. Both spouse have to die to their flesh. Mind your own flesh. Focus on removing the log in your own eyes then you can help with the speck in your spouse’s eyes. It doesn’t work the other way round.

    The flesh and fulfilling its desires will destroy any marriage or relationship. By flesh, I mean those characters in us that are not Christ like. Imagine Jesus as a husband. What will he do and how will he handle issues in his marriage? I am sure Jesus would be the best husband in the entire world, none to beat his record.

    He will be so caring yet not possessive, loving yet not arrogant, soft yet firm, in charge yet not domineering, he would not stir up offences, forgive easily, can’t keep malice or entertain strife, he will not insist on his ways, he will never cause pain or sorrow. As a husband or a guy in a relationship, always ask yourself, what would Jesus have done?

    Will he speak the truth? How will he say it? Because how the truth is said is also important. The women also are to imagine Jesus as a wife or a mother, what will his character be like? Will he be abusive, rude, lazy or uncaring? I am sure Jesus will be the best wife any husband would ever pray for. She would be submissive, loving and caring to a fault, soft, and sweet, yet strong. Quiet yet wise, full of wise counsel, yet calm. Never insists on her own, yet has the right to. Wives and all single ladies that want to make a success of their relationship should ask themselves this all the time before exploding in anger tantrums, What would Jesus do?

    If we all, at all times could be quick to ask ourselves in our relationships and all affairs of our lives what would Jesus do, life will be sweeter and of cause our marriages will be blissful. We will be strength to each other. Then we can enjoy and fulfill God’s mandate of “One will chase a thousand and two will put ten thousand to flight.” There will be zero tolerance for strife, malice, quarrels, and all sorts of works of the flesh capable of drawing life and blessing from our marriages and families.

    Remember, God has the good life for us and desires our relationships and marriages to be like the days of heaven on earth. However we have a crucial part to play. That part is making up our minds that no matter what, we will crucify our flesh and be like Jesus. Putting him ever before our eyes and asking ourselves, in this case, what will Jesus do?

    Also in knowing what Jesus will do, we need to know him more, so we don’t misrepresent and misjudge him, that is the whole essence of developing a relationship with Jesus, so His character can rub off on us. They that walk with the wise (Jesus) will be wise but the companion of fools shall be destroyed.

    May God help us all.

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    I am patient with my fiance/fiancee/spouse

    Lord, teach me to do what you would always do

    So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. (Romans 8:8 KJV)

    Settle every quarrel

    Psalm 81, 88, 92-93




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