How to know a guy who loves you and will marry you

  • “Angie baby, you know I really love you!”

    That is the name he usually calls her. As he held her hands and looked into her eyes, Angie tried to look back into his eyes and beyond the words, to really find out if Buddy meant his words, but she couldn't decipher anything.


“Well, I am not sure” replied Angie.

    “Why would you say that,” Buddy said, still holding her hands.

    “You are going for NYSC next week, I am not sure what you will come back with.”

    “Oh, common, Angie, we have been together for four years now and by the grace of God, we will get married soonest. You have no reasons to doubt me.”

    “I don’t doubt you, but I get scared sometimes.”

    “Angie now, why would you be scared?”

    “You know what happened….”

    “Don’t go there!” Buddy cuts in, raising his voice a bit. “I have already asked for forgiveness and that it wouldn't happen again. I thought you have forgiven me?”

    And they went on and on.

    Angie has her fears because of the mistake that Buddy made of recent with another girl that he slept with whom he initially claimed he was mentoring. How did a protégée end up in bed? What type of mentoring is that? There is a difference between a mentor and a tormentor!

    Angie wasn't sure whether it was a genuine mistake or a state of his heart. If it is a state of his heart, then he would still do it again.

    But the dilemma is that you cannot enter a man’s heart!

Only somebody knows the heart of a man, and that is God. Angie knows he would need God to really make up her mind, as she wouldn't want to be hurt and disappointed again.

    How do you now a man’s heart? How do you know a guy who loves you and will eventually marry you? That is our subject of discourse this morning.

    1. He will love God first
    This is the first acid test to know whether  a man would really love you appropriately or understands what love is.

    Listen to me, guys, you will never be able to love a lady the right way until you love God first.

You don't love a woman with money alone or with fame, otherwise, the love tangos of celebrities should have been successful, but that is not always the case. The fundamental cause of marriage failure among them is that they don’t know God.

    God is love and love without God is no love, it becomes lust!

    Is he a God-lover? If he has issues with loving God, he will have issues with loving you. True love can only be shed abroad in your heart by the Spirit of God.

    It is only the God factor in a man that won’t allow him to lift up his hands against his wife in the days on anger.

    Will those days come? Yes, they will come, but what will restrain a man from the tendency of beating and battering his wife is that fear of God.

    So then, Pastor how do you know a man that loves God?

    a. He would want to obey God always. If you love God, you will keep His commandments. That is what Jesus said. He wouldn’t be insisting on jeru trap.
    b. He will serve God with his time. He wouldn't be too busy to serve God in any capacity.
    He will serve God with his finances. He will not struggle with tithe. That is how you know a man that really loves God.
    d. He will listen to his pastor or mentor. If a man loves God, he wouldn’t have problems with the servants of God
    e. He doesn’t joke with his devotional life. He knows that is the source of his strength in God.
    f.  He will not manipulate your emotions or try to use you. The fear of God in him would not allow all that.
    g. He will not be “okay” with habitual sins. He will be uncomfortable with offending God in anyway.
    h. He will not be able to accommodate strife for too long. He will be forgiving and will not be comfortable quarrelling for extended number of days without feeling bad about that attitude.

    I can go on and on but those are just a few.

    At the background of all these, however is the fact that nobody is perfect, and nobody will have it all. You will never be able to see a man that has it all. We are all “works of project” in the making. So there may be mistakes here and there, but you will see signs of genuine repentance and willingness to make adjustments.

    At the height of all these, do you have peace? If you have peace, then go ahead, irrespective of some imperfections. When I say, imperfections, I don't mean consistent habitual sins!

    2. He will woo you and wait for you
    The man who truly loves you will woo you, come after you, pamper you with love and attention. He will come with flowers and with poems and all that. But that alone does not really show love.

    How do you mean, Pastor?

    A man can woo you for the wrong reasons. A man can even go ahead and buy you  car and yet doesn't love you. He could still buy the same car for any other person who can give him what he wants from you.

    Those rich politicians that would sleep with girls of easy virtue and part with half a million Naira, they don't really love the girls! They see them as jeru trap objects! No more!

His money buys him jeru trap from the girls, and he uses his money to control and dictate for the unfortunate girl.

    So, wooing alone does not translate to love. Amnon was terribly in love, or so he thought. He couldn’t eat properly because he was in “love” with Tamar. But he ended up raping Tamar! That couldn't be love, because he suddenly hated her after he got what he wanted!

    Beyond the wooing he will be willing to wait for you. He would not be insisting on jeru trap!

Wooing without waiting shows the motive of his professed love, it is all for jeru trap, not any future commitment.

    Beware of a guy who is asking for jeru trap as soon as you start talking. His idea of love is like deep gashes of a knife in a confused soul. He has no clue.

    Waiting shows maturity. Waiting shows commitments. Immediate gratification shows the picture of an undisciplined man. After marriage, he still wouldn't be able to wait. If you are not around, he would pounce on your sister or house-help!

    You see, the first order of things for a man is to understand what this love is.

    The sad things is that we have a lot of men who grew up in an environment where they didn't see love. If they never saw love, how would they understand it?

    A boy that grows up seeing his mother abused in the hands of his father would first of all resent his dad and would promise himself that he would never do such a thing.

    Then he gets married only to find out he has taken the abuse to another level. His father used to slap his mum, but now he would not only slap his wife but would kick and rain thunderous blows!

    What happened? He hated this when he saw his dad doing it. How come he is entangled and trapped within the same thing he hated and despised?

    You see, you will always grow up to replicate what you see in your parents. You always find yourself doing what you condemned your parents for doing. It is called transference of spirits. The victim ends up victimising others.

    The only thing that can stop this lineage disorder and this generational dysfunction is God. And that takes us back to the first point.

    Knowing God is a must for the man you will get married to! Not only that, you too have to know God.

    This is also the solution for troubled marriages. Pray for him or her to get to know God! Knowing God and attending church services are two different things, though!

    When a man knows God, he has just allowed one of the greatest miracle in his life which is renewal of the mind! He changes over time as he gets to know God more!

    This is what can put a stop to such situations where the father eats a sour grape and teeth of the son is set on edge!

I will continue with this topic tomorrow. Hope you are getting blessed?

    I pray that God will lead and guide you and be your shepherd indeed as you make decisions that has to do with marriage and family!

    I am led by the Spirit of God

    Lord, teach me in the way to go and guide my feet into your plans

    "No one who abides in Him [ who lives and remains in communion with and in obedience to Him—deliberately, knowingly, and habitually ] commits (practices) sin. No one who [ habitually ] sins has either seen or known Him [ recognized, perceived, or understood Him, or has had an experiential acquaintance with Him ]."  (1Jn 3:6, AMP)

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    Isaiah 35-36

    Pastor Dunamis - +234 802 350 7395
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