O Lord, Where is My Woman?

  • Thinking aloud, Bob said, “O Lord, where is my woman?”
    His friend Ade, looked at him, hissed and retorted, “Woman ko, Grandmother ni!’

“Abeg, I no dey talk to you o”

    “You better not be talking to me and don't bother to talk to God as well.”

    “Thank God you are not God! My God will answer my prayers”

    “God will not answer that prayer!”

    “Kai! What is your problem now?”

“Where is your woman? She would drop from heaven?”

“I am patiently waiting for God.”

    “What are you waiting for? May you not wait for ever. The wife you will marry is around you.”

    “Is it because you are lucky and you are getting married next month? God will do my own too.”

    “God has already done it, but you are blind, proud and stubborn”

    “Who are you talking about?”

    “I am talking about Sade. That lady likes you.”

    “I cannot marry her. That girl will fry me alive if I marry her!”

    “That sister can talk. The other time we had a date, she dominated everything. I thought I could talk, until I met her. That day, I surrendered.”

    “I think she was just being free and being herself.”

    “Well. I got scared. I am not sure that is what I want.”

    “Ok, what about Sandra? You went out with that one briefly too”
    “If I marry Sandra, our house will be too boring. She hardly talks. She will just be looking at you like Lucozade, sitting like sitting room, and as cool as cucumber!” I need someone in-between.

    “Ok, what about Sister Comfort? She is not a talkative and she is not so quiet. I think there goes your bride.”

“It is not only Sister Comfort you will see, you will soon see Sister Compassion! Why did you not marry her before you chose that damsel of yours?

    "It is you that said you don’t want a loud lady and you don’t want a quiet one. Sister Comfort is just perfect for your desires.”

    “She does not have the pulchritude.”

    “Pulchritude” Which one is that again?
    “She does not have the rotundity of my dreams.”

    “Yeh! Rotundity! This brother is backslidden.”

“She does not have the tips, hips and lips. I want a babe, not just a sister.”

    “Lord, God Almighty!”

“There is a difference between a sister, a sisto, a babe and a woman!”

    "Ha! May you not remain a bachelor for life!”

“I simply know what I want.”
“Ok, what about Nancy. She surely has all the physical attributes you wanted.”

    “She doesn't speak in tongues.”

“What about that Sister that sits near the door.”

“Which one of them?”

    “That beautiful sister that you dated about three months ago that the Pastor said you fit yourselves”

    “Ah. Ngozi! Beautiful, spiritual tongue talking, the hips, the lips and tips are complete, right statistics, brilliant and very warm.”

    “So, why didn’t it work out?”

    “She is no longer a virgin!” I told God I will marry a virgin.”

    “You told, God, or God told you? Are you the one that will dictate to God?”

“It is not about dictation, it is about my desires.”

    “But did you find out His own desires for you?”

    “I know what I want.”

    “It is not enough to know what you want. You must also know what God wants for you. (Click To Tweet) You yourself, are you a virgin?”

    “Not really.”

    “So, is your desire fair and just? Your mind seems confused. If you are not careful, it will be long before you get married.”

“Why do you say so?”

“Stop stressing yourself, with all you want and what you don’t want.

 Relax in God and allow Him to lead you. Stop all these nonsensical lists you are making because you will never find anybody that conforms to your lists and desires a hundred percent.”

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“Unless you want to order for a robot that will be built to your specifications”

    “So, what should I do?”

“Go and pray and let God’s Spirit lead you. When you embrace God’s leading, you will find out you have made a right choice at the end. God knows the right statistics that a lady will become in another five years and ten years that will still fit into what your desires are. Allow Him to lead you. Your brain is too small to lead you.”

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    “Will God also take into consideration the pulchritude?”


    “Then, I will follow God.”

“You had better do so. Pray and look around. She is around you. She will not fall from heaven. Ask God to open your eyes of understanding to see beyond your nose and stop making carnal fleshly decisions.”

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    “I hear!”

    “I pray for you, you will not miss God in Jesus name! God will lead and establish His marital plans in your life in Jesus name!”


“I need to go now! I have an appointment with my fiancée!”

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