Enrol For Web Development Course

Online. At Your Pace. Design Your 1st Website in 2 Weeks! FREE, Registration Fee Only!
Register Now

Married Couples' Devotional

Devotionals For Married Couples
Go There!

MARRIAGE CHALLENGE - JULY 1ST - 31ST 2020

WEEK THREE - FACING THE GIANTS

DAY 15 - EMOTIONAL AFFAIRS - PART THREE

Matthew 5:27 - 29, AMPC
27 You have heard that it was said, You shall not commit adultery. 28 But I say to you that everyone who so much as looks at a woman with evil desire for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye serves as a trap to ensnare you or is an occasion for you to stumble and sin, pluck it out and throw it away. It is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be cast into hell (Gehenna).

 

We started on this very important topic yesterday and we looked at what it is, why it happens and signs that you are involved in an emotional affair, today we’ll be delving deeper

Research has shown that affairs both emotional physical affairs don’t happen overnight, they follow a very linear and somewhat predictable pattern. The research suggests a distinct four stages of an emotional affair.

 

Stage One: Friendship and emotional closeness

 

In this stage, you develop a friendship with someone outside your marriage and feel more comfortable talking, sharing and opening up to that friend

You feel some type of connection and chemistry. It feels innocent and seems like a friendship. No foul play is intended for the most part at this stage. Just seeking comfort and solace in talking to someone else and being able to vent.

 

Stage Two: Protecting your new relationship

At this stage, you start feeling dependent on your new relationship. You begin to experience anxiety about what it would be like if your partner or your friends and family disapproved of your friendship.

You therefore decide to keep it a secret. You comfort yourself that you are not doing anything wrong, and that you are just not ready to deal with the questions and investigations of your partner or your family and friends.

In a way, keeping it a secret makes it even more exciting and interesting, and it makes you want to protect this relationship even more.

 

Stage Three: More than talking

In this stage, you start incorporating your new friend in your life. You look for opportunities to spend more time together. It is like the beginning of dating someone, but you tell yourself you are going out as friends.

 

Stage Four: Physical intimacy

At this stage, your level of emotional connectedness and the bond you created with this person has overwhelmed you, and you start having a full blown physical and sexual relationship with them.

While it won't be easy, your marriage may be able to survive an affair if you work at it.

  • Ask for forgiveness from your spouse. Keep in mind that when you confess your affair to your spouse, it might be a big relief to you, but it will be just the beginning of the heartache, pain, and distrust for him or her. It may take years of counseling and work to regain that person's trust. While you’ll want to move on, seeking forgiveness is more than a one-time act; for your spouse to grant you forgiveness is certainly a long process. You can't try to rush through the emotional healing process.

Ephesians 4:32, AMP
Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you.

  • Don't be afraid to seek help and support. Get counseling from a minister or a professional counselor who can help you work through issues of lying, betrayal, mistrust, etc.

Proverbs 11:14, KJV
Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.

  • Change your environment if necessary. If the affair happened at work, as hard as it is to take this step, maybe you need to find a different job. If it happened with a neighbor, maybe you need to move.

Genesis 19:15-16, KJV
And when the morning arose, then the angels hastened Lot, saying, Arise, take thy wife, and thy two daughters, which are here; lest thou be consumed in the iniquity of the city. And while he lingered, the men laid hold upon his hand, and upon the hand of his wife, and upon the hand of his two daughters; the Lord being merciful unto him: and they brought him forth, and set him without the city.

 

The good news is that infidelity doesn't have to be a marriage-killer. When couples are determined to work through the pain, to end the affair, to forgive and to seek counseling, their unions can often be restored.

 

If Your Spouse is Having an Affair

After discovering that your spouse has been unfaithful, you'll likely experience a torrent of conflicting emotions. Here are some important things to keep in mind as you sort through your feelings.

  • Don't give in to the extremes of "love-hate" feelings. Don't immediately demand a divorce. Instead, affirm your desire to do whatever it takes to rebuild a healthy, vibrant marriage.


Matthew 5:31-32, KJV
It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:  But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

 

  • Don't give in to the extremes of "all my fault" or "all your fault" thinking. Don't insist on knowing why your spouse has been having an affair. Instead, ask if he or she is willing to start over.
  • At this point, you need to turn to others who can help you. Don't ask a mutual friend or relative. Instead, ask an objective party who is in a position to help. That person might be an experienced senior pastor, certified Christian counselor, or respected marriage ministry.

1 Kings 12:5-10, NIV
Rehoboam answered, “Go away for three days and then come back to me.” So the people went away.  Then King Rehoboam consulted the elders who had served his father Solomon during his lifetime. “How would you advise me to answer these people?” he asked. They replied, “If today you will be a servant to these people and serve them and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your servants.” But Rehoboam rejected the advice the elders gave him and consulted the young men who had grown up with him and were serving him. He asked them, “What is your advice? How should we answer these people who say to me, ‘Lighten the yoke your father put on us’?” The young men who had grown up with him replied, “These people have said to you, ‘Your father put a heavy yoke on us, but make our yoke lighter.’ Now tell them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s waist. 11 My father laid on you a heavy yoke; I will make it even heavier. My father scourged you with whips; I will scourge you with scorpions.’”

 

  • Cling to the promise that — with God's help — even the most broken marriage can be saved.

Hebrews 4:16, KJV
Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

  • Remember, nobody wakes up one day and suddenly decides to have an extramarital affair. A person has been unfaithful in heart and mind long before he or she begins an affair.

 

  • Be patient. It takes time to begin to rebuild trust, love and commitment.

Life is an experience. To avoid repeating the same mistakes, you should

You must admit to yourself your attraction to someone else. If you find that you're convincing yourself everything is okay, it's not. And that's the point. If you're not mature enough to blow the whistle on yourself, then you're heading straight for danger. You'll start hiding things—things you thought you would never do—and your prayer life will go down the tubes.

You'll be tormented, standing before your congregation without a clear conscience. Justification is one of the strongest indications there's a problem.

Next, you must confess it. And you must change—that's non-negotiable. I often hear people confess, "I know what I'm doing is wrong, but . . ." and they continue dancing on the edge. In order to change, you have to cut off that relationship.

Open up to your spouse. If you feel you cannot talk with your spouse about your thoughts or a situation, you set yourself up for trouble. You need to be honest—for both yourself and for her. Also, listen to your wife. Spouses are perceptive—often they're the first to tune in to danger lurking in the shadows. On the other hand, be accountable to selected, trusted people, because there are times you can't just lay this kind of stuff on your wife. Yes, you need to be forthright, but you need to protect her, too.

What's more, work on satisfying each other's physical and emotional needs, because it doesn't just happen. Anyone of us is vulnerable when unmet needs might possibly be fulfilled somewhere else. Above all, be careful. Guard your marriage and your mind.

Set Boundaries in your relationship with the opposite sex. Make up your mind not to cross certain lines in relationships outside your marriage

Meditate on Psalm 119:9

1. Identify ways you can meet the "needs" of your spouse

1. Is there anyone you have been "eyeing" or that has been "eyeing you"? Open up to your spouse about it

I will love my wife/ I will respect my husband

My marriage is beautiful

I will satisfy my spouse

I choose to be satisfied with my spouse

My marriage is built upon Jesus the solid rock

No weapon fashioned against my marriage will prosper

I and my spouse honor our marriage covenant

Our marriage is going from glory to glory

Our marriage is going from grace to grace

Our marriage is going from strength to strength

I and my spouse are one, we walk in unity

Every plan of the enemy to cause division is frustrated.

All Glory to God. Amen

Read Building Stronger Homes and Families: Making Your House A Home. Download book HERE

Count your blessings together

Husbands

Ask "what can I help you with today?"

Wives

Bake, Make or buy his favorite food

Get Adventurous from time to time. It should not be monotonous.

 

Note: Getting adventurous should absolutely NOT involve porn and anything your spouse wouldn't want to do.

Schedule & Links

Schedule of 31 Days of Marriage Challenge

12am - 1am - Marriage Challenge - Youtube & Mixlr
Rebroadcast by 6am - 7am on Youtube

12pm - 1pm - Explosive Praying in The Holy Ghost
On Mixlr (Download app and follow at khcglobal)

4pm - 5pm - Teaching & Review - Youtube & Mixlr
Rebroadcast by 8pm - 9pm on Youtube

Links 

Youtube - HERE

Mixlr - HERE

 

Facebook - HERE

Instagram -  HERE

Important Info

The entire 31 Days Marriage Challenge is Free.
To Give/Support KHC with your seed/tithe, go HERE


Testimonies
As the programme progresses, you can read or share testimonies on the following links. We would love to hear what God is doing or has done in the meeting. Testimonies of healing, marriage, breakthrough and all, its' important you share them.

Share Your Testimony

Read Past Testimonies

You may also Submit Prayer Points or Intercede for others HERE