Forums » Awakening Love and Purity
THE PROBLEM WITH OUR DESIRES
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“I have not been happy for a day in this marriage” Rachel cried. “Tunji does not care about my feelings, he is selfish” she declared. As I listen to Rachel wailed about her six month old marriage I realized immediately what the problem was. UNREALISTIC EXPECTIONS!
As singles we have the proclivity to expect just too much from our future partner; we all have a picture that we have created in our minds, a picture that we idolized and idealized. Tall, dark, handsome, beautiful, curvy, caring, romantic, hardworking, funny, sexy, spiritual and above all we want someone that will accept us just the way we are someone who wouldn’t mind our height, who will cuddle with us while we snore like a pregnant cow, someone who will still kiss us when our morning breathe smells like rotten eggs. Isn’t it ironic that we have a list of what we are looking for in a spouse yet we want that spouse not to consult a list before choosing us for better or worse?
Most times we enter marriage before realizing that we are not the only one who has needs. We are not the only one who has expectations. Our partner has needs too. We forgot that marriage is not just about our ‘happiness’ but that of our partner too we expect our partners to meet our complex and sometimes selfish needs without any reciprocity. The problem with this mind set is that when we focus on our own needs at the expense of our partner’s we break the very purpose why God created the institution of marriage. God gives us a partner not just to bless us but to also make us a blessing. As a matter of truth, God expects us to put the needs of our partner above ours. Rom 12:10 (NIV) “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another ABOVE yourselves” (emphasis mine)
We must realize that there is no perfect partner out there; there will always be something wrong with whoever you eventually chose. It doesn’t matter how many times you change partners, be ready to administer healing because there will be some wounds, some hurts and some abuse from the past that needs healing and most times God is trusting you to be a part of that healing process but how can you do that when you are busy wailing about your own needs? The bible says it is more blessed to give than to receive, marriage is the perfect place to practice this instruction. Marriage is give and take _ but mostly give. Giving is the hallmark of love. For God so love the world He gave. Give love, give comfort, and give encouragement….give, give and give!
However, let me categorically state that Am not in any way undermining the importance of your own needs too but am emphasizing the principle of sowing and reaping. It’s a kingdom principle and marriage is a kingdom institution. Whatever you want to get from your spouse, learn to sow it by doing same. The golden rule of marriage I believe is summed up in Mathew 7:12 (NIV) “so in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the law and the prophets” permit me to rephrase that: “so in everything, do to your spouse what you would have your spouse do to you for this sums up the law of marriage and love”
Let me quickly add that God puts us in our spouse' lives to do for them what God Himself canot do! God loves us but I have never seen God cuddle up under the blanket with anyone; God answers prayers but He does not pray for people; God makes provision but the Holy Spirit does not show up with apron in people's kitchen cooking noodles! However, when you expect from people what only God can give, you set yourself up for misery and frustration. Only in God can you find joy, peace, fulfillment, peace and unconditional love. Do not expect these from Mr boo or Miss bea.
Singles, remember this: everyone longs to live with a selfless, generous and understanding spouse. Resolve to be that kind of spouse for your future partner. Prepare and develop yourself to be a blessing not just waiting for some perfect person somewhere who will love you with all your correctable flaws. Don’t expect your future partner to ‘fix you’ allow the Word and the Spirit of God to fix you now so that you can be a blessing indeed. Let’s show the world how it’s done. Shalom!
Next week I will be writing on why people change after we'd fallen in love with them.
please, Drop your comments, observations and questions. thank you
This post was edited by OBA Ayinde at March 28, 2015 5:36 AM CET -
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