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How To Know If Your Lover Is Truly Repentant

I have been asked many times by our members around the world on how to know if somebody is truly repentant. Your fiancé/fiancee does something wrong and then comes to apologise. How do you know if it is indeed a true repentance?

Let’s take a look at the scripture:

"For behold this selfsame thing, that ye sorrowed after a godly sort, what carefulness it wrought in you, yea, what clearing of yourselves, yea, what indignation, yea, what fear, yea, what vehement desire, yea, what zeal, yea, what revenge! In all things ye have approved yourselves to be clear in this matter." (2Co 7:11, KJV)
Can you see some of the words mentioned here?
Carefulness in staying away from further sins

Clearing of yourself in consecration unto the Lord
Indignation or holy anger at sin itself
Fear of God in your life
Vehement desire to love God and obey Him
Your Zeal to serve renewed
Revenge as in submission to pastoral discipline as may be necessary.
Those are the elements of a true repentance
The Message Translation says it this way:
2Co 7:11 (MSG)  
And now, isn't it wonderful all the ways in which this distress has goaded you closer to God? You're more alive, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible. Looked at from any angle, you've come out of this with purity of heart.
Now, let’s further break it down in a more pragmatic sense. Here are few things to note
1. You will call what happened as a sin, not a mistake, or a misbehaviour.
Like it is often said, let’s call a spade, a spade and not an implement of agriculture.
For example, your lover was found to be cheating on you. He or she comes to apologise and is crying profusely. How do you know it is true repentance?
He will call it a sin, not just one of those things. He wouldn't try to water it down and just say it is what everybody does. He will truly see it as sin. That was what David did in Psalm 51. He called it a sin.
David said:
"For I am conscious of my transgressions and I acknowledge them; my sin is ever before me." (Psa 51:3, AMP)
He wouldn't say something like, "it's the girl that seduced me!"
2. You will express grief about it.
You will have a godly sorrow about it. That is indignation at sin as seen in above verse.
See what David said:
"Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest. Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me." (Psa 51:4-5, KJV)
3. You confessed before you were found out
In the case of David, he actually confessed after he was found out. His repentance was genuine and it took God’s mercy to find him out through a Prophet.
But really, God expects that you come to the throne of grace all by yourself to obtain mercy and find grace to help in the time of need.
God is ever waiting, and when you take one step towards Him, He will run towards you to embrace you as in the case of the prodigal son. The moment his father saw him coming back, he ran towards Him
God does not condemn you, but He wants your genuine repentance.
Let’s take a look at one more.
4. You open yourself to pastoral rebuke and discipline.
When you dodge pastoral discipline or you run way from the church, then your repentance is questionable. It is good to go through all the process so that you can have restoration of all that is lost. That is what David was saying here:
"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit." (Psa 51:10-12, KJV)
Running away from a church after messing up without repentance and accountability will cause you to retain that sin in your life and you will eventually do the same or even worse in the new church.
This is a very important process to go through. It is an accountability principle that helps to preserve you and keep you in check.
There is nothing good in hiding your sin. Whatever you hide, you will keep nurturing.
That is why the scripture says that he that covers his transgression will not prosper.
In conclusion, God wants you to repent, and He wants you to turn back to Him. At the end, you would have preserved your destiny by doing so, and you would have eliminated unnecessary delays from your life.
I don’t know about other pastors, but when a protégée opens up on an area of weakness and seeks help, I respect such a person more. People call me from around the world everyday and open up on shocking details of their lives as they seek help,
Some of those unbelievable and incredible confessions will make you ears tingle and give you goose bumps. But I respect them, because they have just simply taken a step to terminate the vicious cycle of iniquity in their lives.
The Bible calls iniquity a mystery, and that is why you find yourself doing what you know is going to rupture your destiny.
But you see, you don't fight a mystery with common sense or with new year resolution, you fight it with a higher mystery and that is why we have the mystery of godliness that swallows up the mystery of iniquity!
Glory to God!
May God open your eyes the more on this.

I am genuinely repentant of all sins


Lord, show me what I need to know and give me strength to make changes


"Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions: according to thy mercy remember thou me for thy goodness' sake, O LORD." (Psa 25:7, KJV)

Confess all known sins that are still unconfessed

1 Kings 1-2; Psalms 37, 71, 94

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This Piece Is Authored By

Pastor Dunamis Okunowo

Dunamis & Sophia are facilitators of Kisses and Huggs Club. They are ministers, writers, conference speakers, relationship counselors and marriage...

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