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He doesnt know how to control himself
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Pls help. My fiancee and I are both born again Spirit filled, but anytime he is around me and I do simple things like hold his hands, talk about how jeru trip matters would be wonderful on our wedding night, he easily gets high and he will be acting cool.Recently he confessed that its the touching that cause it.Not canal ones but like beating him on d chest when laughing or going home. There was a time he was so moved that we went a bit far, almost had sex. I pleaded with him to have self control but it seems he turns deaf at that time. After that we just kept plenty boundaries like no seeing at night, no over touching, close contact, being alone. This worked for 6 month and we grew spiritually.It happend recently for d second time now. So high and he says he can be like dat for d whole day, he begged and begged me to kiss him or romance him but I insisted no but he overpowered me and forcefully kissed me. I dont know what to do again.pls help
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Lol...erin kpa mi. You two are involved dear lady,it is not only the man that enjoyed the kiss joor ,you did. . The way of a man with a maid is what shocked solomon. My dear, you cannot keep holding his hand in private and talk about Jeru trip and a man would not be aroused.I can tell from experience that you get turned on at gear 100 when your partner start talking about how sweet sex will be on wedding night. Even a monk will be aroused like wild fire and you better stop that talk if you do not want to see him manifest. It is not just him,even a lady will get aroused with that kind of talk. You have a share in the blame and the earlier you take yours,the better. If holding him and talking sex talk brings up arousal,then stop it 100% if possible.
I am glad you set boundaries and grew spiritualy in 6 months,that is so awesome, If you did it bfore,you can do it again. Now you know that he has high sex urge(as far as he is not attepmting to have sex with someone else) you two can go on your boundaries again and make vows to God. Now,help him,stick with the rule and let him see seriousness. I found out some guys know sex is a no go area but they test you to see if you would allow them free access at least to other areas and the moment you start it,you would have to continue. You said ,you guys almost had sex,That means you are very involved too.
So rework the relationship especially if he is cool in other areas and this is just it and submit yourself to relationship counselling and get books on sexual purity. Now if after doing all this the ogbeni tries to rape you or costantly persuade you for Jeru trip through chat,you would have to separate so he can grow up emotionally and if you choose to coontinue,pls do.
You can if you believe
You two shold be active memebers in KHC
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Thank you sis, but why can't he just control himself and when i say "stop,dont do it" he he should say ok.It was my fault ,I just got an apartment bcos of work and he came to help me tidy the place, by d time he got to d bus stop, there was no bus.I tld him to sa with my muslim friend a guy,buh he said he cannt stay with a stranger and I had to pity and do brotherly love bcos at least we ve overcommed sexual sins and we r closer to God now.lol. It's well henceforth no matter wot I will not b alone with him, or use my hands and words to cause/start sin.
This will be my watch word:
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;
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There is wisdom in what the bible say - If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married - 1 Corinthians 7 vs 36
I am not saying to simply marry all because of Jeru trip - But the wisdom of the bible is valid bacause you sound like you are in this relationship for real and for stay .
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Dear Sister,
Set boundaries and both of you need to stop talking about how good jeru trip will be once you get married. That wears off after a while. Sexual intimacy, though important, is a small part of marriage. Once you get married you will not have sex all the time. Why? Because you have to go to work and you two will start the process of meshing and that's work. Marriage is work because two individuals, with separate histories and wills have to become one under God. Don't put yourselves in a situation where you will compromise your integrity and sin. Your body is His temple. Treat it as such. Obedience has its rewards. May God help you and give you insight in Jesus name. Amen.
This post was edited by Oladimeji Famuyiwa at January 28, 2016 9:24 AM CET -
Kofo, thanks for taking out time to share this...
I must confess that intending couples abuse 1 Corinthians 7:8 and wield it (and their wedding plans) to rush foolishly in lust instead of taking wise steps out of love for God and neighbor. Struggling, unhealthy couples will steal “better to marry” as an excuse to make their destructive relationships permanent, and “than to burn” to legitimize sinful actions as good and natural. We need a serious look at 1 Corinthians 7:8–9, to bulldoze through our cynicism and snide glances, and to open up our sinful impulses to critique and explanation, because God has spoken here. But I hope we can keep one thing in mind as we read (the main point): The sexual desire of the unmarried person is good, is holy, and is part of the shining creation of the image of God. Among all of the other voices, some helpful and needed (and some not), I want you, when you feel shame for sexuality or sexual desire, to be able to return to 1 Corinthians 7:9 and find peace. I want 1 Corinthians 7 to, without a doubt, be a place of respite for the unmarried Christian from shame, from self-hate, and from accusation, insofar as they feel those things about God’s good creation of their sexuality. You are loved, and you have sexual desires which propel you to get married which God endorses